After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on
her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found
shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally
unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to
browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from
the local Target.
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
commotion in our store.. We cannot tolerate this behavior and
have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our
complaints against your husband, Mr. Yanny, are listed
below and are documented by our video surveillance
cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them
in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off
at 5-minute intervals
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right
away! This caused the employee to leave her assigned station
and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn
resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose
time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a
bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to
a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they
would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department
to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he
began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people
just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and
used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants
were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of 20
funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH
NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room,
shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly,
'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of
the clerks passed out.
